


Just Keep Breathing, Busyhead.

by 50_shades_of_weird



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Crying, Hugs, Kissing, M/M, Sleeping Together, This is probably very OOC, dont worry he gets one, my sweet baby Buck needs a hug, not like that ya nasties, oh well. I can do what I want, so much crying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-27
Updated: 2019-10-27
Packaged: 2021-01-04 06:13:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21192887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/50_shades_of_weird/pseuds/50_shades_of_weird
Summary: Picks up at the a little after 3x05. Eddie shows up at Buck’s after one of his street fights. Things happen.





	Just Keep Breathing, Busyhead.

**Author's Note:**

> Saw a line on tumblr about not going somewhere the other can’t follow and I had to write for Buddie. I didn’t proof read this and y’all will just have to forgive my failings. I have many others. Also...y’all know how hard it is to not write “y’all”? It was like a kick to my poor southern heart every time I had to write “you all.”

“Eddie?” Buck asked softly. “What happened to you?” Buck’s eyes widened as he took in Eddie’s appearance. He knew he looked a right mess. His eye was darkening rapidly, he had a cut on his cheek and another bruise blooming on his cheek. “Where’s Christopher?” 

“He’s at a sleepover. We need to talk.” Eddie said as he pushed his way into the apartment. 

“Not until you tell me what the hell happened!” Eddie felt the thin control he had over his anger snap as he whipped around to face Buck. 

“How dare you? How dare you demand anything from me when you stopped talking to me. When you cut me off? You hurt me beyond belief, Buck.” Eddie said as he jabbed Buck in the shoulder hard. Buck winced but held his ground. 

“What have you been doing, Eddie? What happened?”

“I WAS STREET FIGHTING OKAY?” Eddie yelled at Buck and watched as his face hardened. Buck said nothing as he marched into his bathroom, pulling Eddie with him. He pushed Eddie onto the closed toilet lid before he pulled out his first aid kit. 

“How could you be so stupid, Eddie? What would’ve happened had something gone wrong? Ar you really willing to leave Christopher parentless?” Eddie’s scoff turned into a hiss as the disinfectant burned his cut. 

“That’s rich coming from you, Buck.” Eddie spit out at him as Buck places a bandaid over the cut. 

“What do you mean?”

“As if you don’t know that Christopher sees you as a parent figure. Hell, Buck. You have been helping me raise him for the last year and you didn’t even realize it. Then you were suddenly gone and Christopher has been asking for his Buck daily. You left him, Buck. You left me.” 

Buck pulled away like he had been burned. He quickly walked out of the bathroom and Eddie followed. He found Buck sat on one of the bar stools in the kitchen, he head in his hands. 

“Buck?” Eddie called and walked over to Buck when he didn’t answer. “Evan?” Eddie tried again but all he got was a shuddering sigh. When Eddie realized Buck was crying he felt all the fight drain out of him. “Baby...what is wrong?” Eddie asked.

“I failed Christopher and I hurt you. I hurt all of you and I’m s-s-so-sorry. I d-didn’t mean to. I didn’t know I was i-import-important. I didn’t matter. I was just Buck. No one takes me seriously I-“ Buck cut off as his sobs made it hard to speak. 

“Buck...sweetheart. I’m so sorry. I was so angry and then you left and I felt my world crumbling around me. I take you seriously. Please, darling. Listen to me.” 

“I didn’t think I mattered to you. To anyone for that matter. Without this job I’m no one. I’m not important. I could slip out of someone’s life and the only thing they would notice is that it’s slightly more quiet. I needed this job because it’s the only thing that gives me meaning. I don’t know who I am without it.” Buck tried to explain the war raging in his head. He tried to untangle the knot of feelings sitting heavily in his chest.

“You’re someone, okay? Evan you’re my best friend and I need you.” Eddie spoke softly and he stepped further into Buck’s space, gently stroking Buck’s cheek to wipe the hot tears slipping down his cheeks. 

“Eddie...”

“Buck, I love you. It was killing me to be away from you these past few weeks. Not being able to talk to you made me so angry. I’m still angry.”

“I’m sorry.” Buck whimpered, hanging his head, but Eddie was having none of that. He grabbed Buck’s hands and just held them in his.

“Evan, look at me, darling.” Buck lifted his head and Eddie felt his heart melt more when he looked into those tear filled blue eyes. “Baby, I’m not angry at you. I’m angry at myself because I didn’t take the time to realize how much you were hurting. I was too focused on my pain, on how much Christopher needed and wanted you, on how much I needed you. I’m so sorry.” Eddie touched forehead to Buck’s. “I promise, my love, that if you let me into your life again, if you allow me to stay, that I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you. I’m so sorry that I’ve been so cruel to you.” 

“I should be the one apologizing, Eddie. I fucked up. I filed that suit. I told that lawyer personal information. I swear I didn’t know he was going to try to use it against you. I’m so sorry. I failed you. I failed Christopher. I thought Christopher would be fine without me. He has so many people in his life that love him and he has you. I didn’t think I was important to him. I failed the 118. You all hate me now and all I had ever wanted was to get my family back. I’m so sorry.” Buck managed out, shoulders shaking with soft sobs. Eddie felt his heart break. 

“Hey. Christopher loves you. You are his hero. His Buck in shining armor. He could never hate you. As for the 118...we might have been pissed and lord knows I treated you horribly, but we don’t hate you. We couldn’t. Do you really think Bobby hates you?” Buck nods weakly.

“He called me a liability. I was fine, Eddie.” Buck’s tone shook as the tears made his voice thick. “I saw Bosko’s name taped over mine and that hurt a lot, I was willing to put in all the work it took to get back, to prove I was ready, but then he told me that he was the reason I wasn’t reinstated. Chimney literally had a metal rod go through his head and he was back in a month. How do you think that made me feel? I felt like Bobby was looking for a reason to fire me and didn’t want to reinstate me until he had the reason to get rid of me my first day back. I felt betrayed and unwanted. I felt replaceable. I was replaced.” 

“Baby no. You were never replaced. Lena...she’s nothing. Barely a blip on the radar. She’s here because her station was flooded during the tsunami.”

“I know, but I only found out because I saw her name over mine. None of you bothered to tell me. That hurt a lot. It still hurts so much. To know that I’m not important enough to keep in the loop.”

“Evan, I’m so sorry you felt that way. That was never our intention. It certainly wasn’t mine. It’s just...” Eddie trailed off, mind flashing to all the times he went to Bosko even before Buck filed the lawsuit. 

“It’s just I wasn’t there and Bosko was. I get it, Eddie. I understand and that’s why I wanted my job back so much. I didn’t want to be replaced. I didn’t want to lose you guys, but I guess I did anyway.” Buck heaved a sigh. “I dropped the lawsuit. I just wanted to let you know. It wasn’t doing anything besides keeping you away.” 

“So what are you going to do now?”

“I have no idea. I guess I might try to go to med school. I do have a bachelors degree in biology. I could take the MCAT and go from there. If I can’t save people this way, maybe I can save them in another?” 

“Let try to get your job back first, baby, but yeah. If it’s not a possibility, then I fully support you going to med school. I love you so much and I just want you to be happy.” Eddie pressed a kiss to Buck’s cheek making Buck blush. He turned and placed his lips against Eddie’s.

“You love me huh?” Buck asked when they pulled away. 

“Yeah. I really do, Buck.”

“That’s great because I love you too.” Eddie grinned and pulled Buck back in for another kiss.

“Come on, baby. Let’s go to bed. It’s been a long hard day.” Buck nodded and allowed Eddie to pull him up, but he didn’t step away, instead he wrapped his arms around Eddie and buried his head in his neck. They stood there hugging for a few moments before the separated and Eddie led Buck to his room. 

Eddie got some pajama pants out for himself. “Let’s sleep, baby. I’m exhausted.” Eddie quickly stripped and they both climbed into bed. Buck settled into Eddie’s arms after Eddie turned off the light. “Hey Buck?” Eddie asked after they settled.

“Yeah?”

“Don’t go where I can’t follow again, Buck. I can’t take it.” Eddie whispered. He felt Buck shift in his arms and press a kiss to the underside of Eddie’s jaw.

“I promise, baby. I swear I’ll never leave you or Christopher like that again. I’ll talk to you if something happens.” Buck responded back, voice soft and filled with emotion. Eddie looked and pressed a kiss to Buck’s forehead before settling back against the bed. Buck followed his lead and laid back on Eddie’s chest. Gentle breathing filled the room and enough time had past that Eddie thought that Buck had fallen asleep until he spoke up.

“I think I need to see someone, Eddie. My mind is a jumbled mess. I’m not alright.” 

“I think I need to see someone too. This anger that I have inside of me isn’t going away and I need to find a more healthy outlet. Illegal street fight ain’t where it’s at. It was stupid to get into it to begin with. I just couldn’t handle the storm inside of my mind, twisting and turning me into someone I don’t recognize. I needed to let it out and I didn’t want Christopher to see me like that. But it was stupid in the first place.” 

Buck pushed his head further into Eddie’s chest while Eddie tightened his arms around Buck. “We’ll find therapists and then we’ll heal together.” Buck whispered to Eddie. 

Eddie felt his heart fill and the knot of anger that had been building in him for so long unwound slightly. Nothing was fixed, but it was a start.

**Author's Note:**

> Do y’all want more? Should I continue this story?


End file.
